Things I don't want to be

I've been inspired in martial arts by many people, young and old.  I've also noticed a few things I'd like to avoid like a plague. Here are two things I try to avoid, with only partial success:

Fear #1  Too Much Talking, Not Enough Kicking

photo by Joel Ford

You've been in one of those classes, where the instructor just talks and talks and talks and you never quite have a chance to get your martial groove on.  I live in fear of being that instructor.  I know what I'm thinking as they drone on, and I hope that no one ever thinks that about me.

Sure, sure, we have loads of inspiration and wisdom to share.  But actually, they don't really want to hear it right now.

Pulling rank or Pulling your weight

If you have to pull rank to get your way, maybe your way isn't all that great.  If the only leg you have to stand on is the fact that you are the Master / Sensei / Sifu / whatever, then maybe you should reevaluate your position.

Leadership should make sense, and rules should have some basis in logic.  Instructors who run their academies by brute force are the lowest type of fake leaders I know.  Insisting on being obeyed, regardless of the validity of one's position, shows weakness rather than strength.

Grandmaster Jhoon Rhee 2011

I am blessed to be part of the Jhoon Rhee International organization.  Every year I am amazed by the example that is set by Grandmaster Jhoon Rhee.  Quite honestly, it's hard to live up to.

That pedestal is not for you

Photo by: vichie81

It's so easy in our field to become a dictator.  After all, we are the keepers of our tradition, of our standards and we hold the key to belt promotions.  We are the heads of our schools and people come to us actually believing that we have knowledge and character beyond the typical person.  With all that adoration and respect (which we demand anyway, in the name of discipline), how do we NOT get a fat head?

In martial arts, you hear so much about the importance of being humble and I agree that it is one of the top traits in a great instructor or leader.  But how do you know when you are being humble?  What does it look like?  And when is someone just faking it for the sake of reputation?  Humble is a full time job, and doesn't stop when class is dismissed.

Focus on the joy, forget about the junk

It would be easy to make an entire website full of posts about the problems that arise in a martial arts academy (or any small business for that matter), but that wouldn't give a true picture of how we owner/operator types spend our time.  I've compiled some mostly-accurate, fully-unsubstantiated statistics about how things really are.  Understand that these are ratios only, and can be extrapolated to encompass larger, multi-site operations.  Enjoy:

-For every grumpy-butt who complains, there are 22 people who want you to keep doing exactly what you do, 9 who absolutely adore you as a person, 17 would wish they had your life, and 3 who think you're hot.

No, you may not call me that

When I was a kid, I only knew grown-ups by their last names, unless they were family and therefore had a title, like Aunt or Uncle.  It was always very clear who was in charge and who wasn't.  At my daughter's pre-school (which is a completely awesome Montessori school!), the teachers are called "Miss Carol," "Mr. Dave," etc.  I find that is a common practice these days.

Now, since I adore my daughter's school, I am not going to question the reasoning behind their titles.  It's their system and I follow their rules without hesitation (such a good doobie, I know).

In martial arts academies, however, I believe there should be a different kind of verbal connection.  There is a need for some distance between the instructors and the students.  And truthfully, the difficulty is not with the children in the classes, it's with the adults.

Risk is good. Stability is ... meh

As much as I have been influenced by my parents over the years (duh), there is one major difference in our approach to careers.  I love risk, my parents love stability.  Now, these past months of economic struggle have certainly made me appreciate more the benefits of stability, but even still, I wouldn't trade my type of career freedom for a "normal" job.

Running a martial arts academy challenges every skill set I have, and has caused me to grow some new ones.  That alone makes my day interesting.  But when I look at the financial side, I am addicted to

The original motivational speaker: Mom

I think I was exceptionally lucky to be born to parents who were both educators.  They automatically taught my brother and I that we can do anything.  They programmed us to try new things, to try again if we messed up, to analyze failure but not to dwell on it.  They always believed in us, and so, we did too.  And like most kids, what I believed to be true about myself, I assumed was true for everyone else.

When I listen to motivational tapes and read success books now, much of it hinges on similar principles.  Beliefs have in impact on

'Scuse me... I was talking to the other one

What do YOU think?

Just a brief thought... let people answer for themselves.  I met a couple yesterday and the wife kept telling me what the husband wanted.  He was standing right there!  I would ask him a question and the answer would pop right out of her mouth.  (sheesh)  I see this sometimes with parents and their children, and even with siblings, but not so much between grown people.  What IS that? The funny thing was that the wife wanted their kids to enroll because they won't stand up for themselves.  Hmm.  


When siblings do that to each other, it's usually a simple thing to make a joke about who's old enough to speak and who isn't, then to ask the answer-bot if her sibling could answer for herself.  Everyone giggles

Teacher... or, Keeper?

What makes someone a teacher and not just a keeper?  I know people who call themselves teachers, instructors, and coaches, but they are certainly not all equally capable in those positions.  It's not enough to watch over students and take them through their paces.  Teaching has to be more than that.

(this is hard to discuss without being insulting, I fear, so stop reading if you are the queasy type)

Imagine a pre-school classroom, filled with seven young children and one adult.  Clearly, we want the adult to be "in charge" and "responsible" but, simply being present in the room doesn't necessarily mean the adult is skilled as such.  For anything constructive to happen,

Pet rocks, good... Pet students, bad

There was a little girl who road my bus when I was a kid, and she was picked on by some of the older kids.  One day, they threw her sweater out the window.  Everyone's parents got called and we all got in trouble.  I wasn't too worried since other people were the ones who picked on her, so imagine my surprise when I got the "I'm very disappointed in you" lecture from Mom.

Turns out that I should have helped that girl, instead of standing by.  "But Mom, she's weird." (Good answer, right?)  So with her typical wisdom,

Yes, actually you ARE ready for graduation

Okay, it's rare, but sometimes I do have students who are ready to graduate even though they think they need more time.  Often this happens for Black Belt exams, since we would all like to have more time to prepare ourselves for those.  As an instructor, we have to make sure students are mentally and emotionally ready so they don't get stagnant or complacent.  For them, it's about facing fears and taking on challenges.

Sometimes it's about the elusive perfection, or a student has compared themselves to someone else in class.  Either way, the instructor has to remove that student's self-evaluation (which is flawed), and establish the proper standards for progress

No, you are NOT ready for graduation

Did you ever try the "Mom, all my friends are doing it" approach to get permission for something as a kid?  I'm sure, like me, you got the standard response, "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do that too?"  That was before bungie jumping, so I really had no come-back, but if she asked me that question today, I might just have a snappy answer!

So what happens when a student notices that all of his classmates are graduating, but he isn't?  What is your standard reply when a student thinks they are ready for the next belt level and you know they are not?

Ending a friendship ... Firing a student

I was a bit socially awkward as a kid, and when I got invited to hang out with a b-list cool kid one summer, I couldn't believe my luck.  Mom took me shopping for a new bathing suit and sent me off for some fun.  It was a great bathing suit... turquoise and pink one-piece, with a flattering cut for my tentative 'tween figure.

As we were getting ready to go to the pool, my social-ticket friend saw that bathing suit and said, "Hey, why don't we trade suits... I'll wear yours and you can wear mine."  Now, let's not even think about the hygiene issues, because there weren't any in those days.  Just focus on the dilemma: brand new bathing suit ... potentially important friend.